I was heartbroken when I heard that Sinead O Connor had died. The outpouring of grief for her has been unparalleled and it left me questioning why we wait until it’s too late to show an appreciation for someone. Like many people, myself included, Sinead had experienced a life of great emotional pain and like many she felt her emotions deeply. We encourage people to talk about their emotions and what they are feeling. We tell them that mental health difficulties are nothing to be ashamed about. That they should tell someone if they are struggling and to not bottle up our thoughts. But in Sinead’s case for some reason this was not the case. She was deemed ‘crazy’, ‘controversial’ and ‘unstable’ because she spoke out about injustices and the deep pain she often felt. It made people uncomfortable and there was this attitude that maybe she should keep things to herself. Watching the way Sinead was treated for talking about her suicidal thoughts made me ashamed for having had them myself.
What if I too was labelled as attention seeking or crazy? What if I was met with the same ridicule and contempt? But for some reason, even though Sinead wore her heart on her sleeve and expressed her pain so vocally and eloquently through her music, we chose to ignore it. We listened to her music and talked about her song writing abilities but many people wanted a one sided transaction from her. They would have preferred if she had just shut up and sang and kept her opinions to herself. But that was not Sinead. She spoke out for those of us who felt silenced. She used her platform to highlight injustices, but most of all she expressed her deep pain and those people who couldn’t understand her pain simply ridiculed it or ignored it. But noone is invincible and neither was Sinead. In recent times she deeply mourned the death of her son Shane, who had been let down by the mental health services when at his most vulnerable. Sinead chose to speak out about the deep loss she felt for him and it made people uncomfortable. But instead of showing compassion and empathy, many people turned the other way.
She spoke out for those of us who felt silenced. She used her platform to highlight injustices, but most of all she expressed her deep pain and those people who couldn’t understand her pain simply ridiculed it or ignored it.
If nothing else Sinead’s death has taught me that pain is real. We all feel it. But it can be messy, confusing and misunderstood by others and by ourselves. While there is no doubt that mental health stigma is not as bad as it once was, it is still obviously there. Until we are able to talk about long term and enduring mental illness which affects so many people in the same way we talk about depression or stress, we will not have challenged mental health stigma. Mental illness is more than ups and downs. It can be debilitating, long term and in my opinion all the ‘mindful moments’ in the world won’t ‘quick-fix’ it. It takes much more than that and it can be exhausting and the work needed to stay well can feel relentless at times.
But let’s start by listening to people’s pain. Let’s walk with them through it and not hold off on telling them how much they are loved when they are still here with us. I just wish Sinead had known how much she was adored and the grief we would feel as a nation on her passing. But we didn’t tell her when she was alive, and now it’s too late. Don’t make the same mistake with your loved ones. Tell them they matter and are loved. Tell them now when they are alive and not in their obituary.
If you want to challenge mental health stigma you can learn more on www.seechange.ie and learn about the Green Ribbon campaign. Sign up and receive your free green ribbon which you can wear to show that you don’t stand for mental health stigma.
Read more: Don’t wait to show your love for someone till their obituary
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